Enthusiastic employee catches coworkers deprecating teammate’s looks and love life after months of believing in genuine office friendships leads to personality-free workspace and late-night job applications

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Etai Eshet • Editor
Feb 9, 2025 6:00 PM EST

The sweet innocence of believing coworkers are your chosen family. It's like watching a caveman discover fire, adorable, predictable, and doomed to end in tears.

You marched into that office with the wide-eyed optimism of a golden retriever at a barbecue, convinced that helpfulness and friendship would earn you a spot in the sacred inner circle. Bless your heart. waltzed into that office, armed with a "positive attitude" and a LinkedIn-inspired belief that "teamwork makes the dream work." Adorable. So absolutely adorable.

Let's cut to the chase here, offices are glorified daycare centers for adults. The close-knit team bonding over lukewarm pizza and forced happy hours, although looks very appealing, is less camaraderie and more Stockholm syndrome.

But sure, your coworkers are different. You've got nicknames! You've decorated your cubicle with funny memes! Oh, honey. Then came the wake-up call: overhearing your "work fam" filet a colleague's life choices with the precision of a master fish butcher. But don't worry—they'd never talk about you like that. Except, of course, they absolutely would. 

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  • "I Think I Just Realized my Coworkers aren’t Good People"

    "There's a good chance they talk about me when I'm not in the room"
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Of course, I’d never fall for this. I’m far too wise. Except that one time, when I organized a “friendship bracelet” crafting hour during lunch. For the entire department. With personalized initials. And a PowerPoint on “synergy.” Look, I thought we were bonding. It’s fine, I’m fine.

  • Been at this job for about 8 months. I knew a lot of training would be involved because I'm new to the work. It's an office setting. I also knew going in that the team ld be working with was
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  • It was just a tiny breakdown wear I stripped my cubicle’s “Inspiration Corner” (RIP motivational cat posters), sobbing into a stress ball shaped like the company logo, asked my boss where the ‘office mental fatigue relieving space’ was, and rage-applying to jobs on Indeed during my wellness break, known by my coworkers as “bathroom ugly-cry sesh,” But It’s fine, I’m fine!

  • pretty close knit. Going to events together after work, special nicknames for each other, everything. So, I thought that by 1.) offering to help out as much
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  • Cheezburger Image 10463216384
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • as I could with whatever I could and 2.) trying to form friendships, would help offset any negative feelings toward me needing help and training.
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  • Everything seemed to be going great, I thought I'd formed a good relationship with most people. I'd even decorated my cubicle, because I finally thought I was in the clear as far as being accepted. (Other people at the company do this, it is allowed).
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  • But I had a moment where I caught my coworkers talking bad about another woman on the team. Not just mild insults. Things went way too far and personal. They made fun of the way she
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  • looks, the man she is dating. The man she is dating has some health issues, and they even went as far as to suggest that the only type of man she could get was
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  • one with physical and mental problems who needed someone to take care of him. I was shocked. The woman in question is annoying, but I don't think it's ok to take gossip that far.
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  • Then I started looking back at my interactions with the team over the past year. I realized I'd been overlooking a lot of micro aggressions toward me. And that there was a good chance they talk about me in a similar way when I'm not in the room.
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.
     

  • Not going to lie, I stayed late and took down my decorations, organized and removed any hints at my personality in my work space, cried a little, and went home to job search. It meant a lot to me to have good banter with my coworkers. And I feel so stupid now.
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  • I know what I need to do is refocus on my job and stop trying to make friends. But I can't shake the massive disappointment that this won't be the job I'm finally happy at. This is just a job.
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  • Thanks for reading! Just needed to vent.
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  • Side note: there's no use in going to an HR person with these concerns. They gossip with the head of HR at my company as well.
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  • magic_crouton One of the important life lesson i learned is i don't have to be friends with my coworkers. I don't even have to like them. I'm there to work.
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  • allieoops925 It took me a long time to realize people at work were not my friends. even the most innocuous comment could be blown out of proportion and gets you in trouble. I keep everything
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  • on a very superficial level there when discussing my personal life, I say actually very little. I'm friendly. I ask about people. I'm willing to help others, but I've really shut down on sharing anything of myself.
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  • pl487 This is just how people are. Talking sh about others is how groups signal cohesion. You will find it at any organization of people at some level, and that's why experienced professionals dont talk about their personal issues at work. This is the game we play, and we play it for money.
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  • BankOnITSurvivor I understand this entirely. I took all of my personal equipment home last week. This is equipment I paid out of pocket for, that I actively used on the job, because something made me mad enough to do so.
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  • Honestly it had been building up over the last few months, but last week was the straw that broke the camel's back.
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  • Mine wasn't gossip related, but it was something that I took very personally.
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  • AuthorityAuthor Often this realization is a part of wisdom and maturity in the workplace. Be neutral, cordial, and approachable in the office but make your friends outside the office.
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  • Personally, I'd be a little kinder when working with this person they spoke so negatively about.
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  • CommonEarly4706 • 14h ago Thing to remember in life your coworkers are not your friends.don't share your personal life. There is always someone to try and throw you under the bus to get ahead. Be professional and cordial
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management boss workplace-stories hr toxic-workplace manager bosses work PTO managers supervisor workplace Horrible Bosses work-life balance
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